One would never know just by looking at Valerie Nicholas that she was in abusive relationships for much of her life.
Nicholas, the founder and co-president of Love is Not Enough, a non-profit organization that mentors victims of abuse, spoke last night at the Stamp Student Union to a full room of roughly 30 students about how after years of feeling broken inside, she became empowered to change her life and show others how to do the same.
“You have to feel good about yourself because if you don’t, you will only let the small things get bigger,” Nicholas said. “I’m here to empower people and say ‘Look at me.’”
Nicholas described her experiences with domestic and sexual abuse and urged students to realize that obsessive love is not romantic and can be dangerous in relationships.
“Free will and free being is the way it’s supposed to be,” Nicholas said.
Because student activists feel the issue of domestic abuse is still taboo and not talked about enough, Sigma Psi Zeta sorority, the university’s Sexual Assault Response and Prevention Program and Terps for Choice — a group that advocates women’s reproductive rights — invited Nicholas to speak in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
“The issue of pro-choice, for example, is very polarized, but domestic violence is very hidden,” Terps for Choice co-president Xenia Strunnikova said.
Aliya Mann, also a co-president of Terps for Choice, spoke to the group about the complex nature of relationship violence after Nicholas’ speech.
“It’s not as simple as it seems,” Mann said. “It’s not just one day someone hits you.”
SARPP representatives said they hoped the event would raise awareness among students about the issue of inter-relationship violence and abuse.
“People [who attended] will realize how many this affects,” SARPP member Victoria Brown said. “It’s a big issue on this campus, and it shouldn’t go ignored.”
According to the Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence — a statewide organization — one third of high school and college students experience violence in an intimate relationship during their dating years. And according to Nicholas, six to nine out of 10 times, the victim goes back to an abusive relationship.
“For me, it was important to figure out the breaking point, and to say, ‘Why am I accepting this type of behavior?’” Nicholas said.
Nicholas urged students to have safety plans — she cited having a bag ready in case someone needed to get away quickly as an example — and personal mission statements meant to boost self-confidence. In her talk, she also used props such as heavy bags and a shoe that didn’t fit to demonstrate how victims carry dead weight and don’t realize they are
in relationships that don’t fit. Nicholas had audience members write down their strengths and weakness to identify what was holding them back from achieving their goals.
Students who attended the event said they were inspired by Nicholas’ willingness to share her experiences candidly.
“I really loved hearing her personal story because every case is different,” senior American studies and public health major Lauren Swanner said. “It was interesting because I hadn’t heard about this issue until college.”
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